life up til now

Yesterday I was reminded that man is fallible. Your friends and family will ultimately fail you; but God never will. He can't. He loves you too much. It MIGHT also have something to do with His being all-powerful, but you know - whatever. I was so frustrated and tired, but thanks to God He is gracious and sends me awesome brothers and sisters who keep me accountable and continue to encourage me.

I want to share something that rocked me to my core. This is an excerpt from a book that I'm reading called The Mortification of Sin. (Fellas, I HIGHLY recommend you check this book out if you haven't already. It's a good book for general audiences, but it caters more to the male gender)

Some background information - the chapter this is coming from is titled "The Work of the Spirit in Mortification." The author John Owen basically tells of the futility of trying to kill sin by one's own power(instead of by the Spirit), and in depth describes the shortcomings of the man who foolishly attempts to do so. One of the reasons that this chapter rocked me was because the whole chapter in a nutshell described me. Sad, no? Anyways, here goes:

"I might here bewail the endless, foolish labour of poor souls, who are convinced of sin, and yet not able to stand against its power. They try many perplexing ways and duties, to keep down sin, but, being strangers to the Spirit of God, they find it is all in vain. They combat without victory, have war without peace, and are in slavery all their days. They spend their strength for that which is not bread, and their labour for that which does not profit.
This is the saddest warfare that any poor creature can be engaged in. A soul under the power of conviction from the law is pressed to fight against sin, but he has no strength for the battle. He must fight, but he can never conquer. He is like a man who thrusts himself on the sword of the enemy on purpose to be slain. The law drives him on, and then sin beats him back. Sometimes he thinks he has foiled sin, but he has only raised a dust, so that he cannot see the sin. He stirs up his natural affections of fear, sorrow, and anguish, and this makes him believe that sin is conquered when it is not even touched. He soon must be at the battle again, and the lust which he thought to be slain is seen to be not even wounded.
If the case of those who labour and strive, and yet never enter into the kingdom of God, is sad, what is the condition of those who are not even concerned? They are those who are perpetually under the power and dominion of sin, and love to have it so. They are troubled about nothing, except to continue to make provision for the flesh and to fulfil the lusts thereof."

Holy Spirit, come! Only You can mold and make a fool like me into the man You call me to be.

*random change of direction*
I watched Slumdog Millionaire. It did not disappoint. JAI HO! Now I can say it with pride haha. I hate midterms. I miss muay thai and brazilian jiu-jitsu. I wish I had more time.

Ok time to shower and go to school and study until my eyes bleed. Fare thee well, friends.