run, forrest, run

A couple weeks ago I watched Forrest Gump for what was probably the 20th time. In case you didn't know, it's my all time favorite movie. It gets to me everytime. And everytime I watch it, I pick up something new that I didn't notice before.

Sometimes I can really relate to Forrest. I'm usually very open, and will most likely share alot about my personal life experiences to anybody who asks or who cares to hear. But sometimes randomly I will think about something that I'd rather keep to myself, and not share with anybody else. There aren't many topics that I don't like to talk about, but every now and then I'll think of something that I keep in my head and with God and nowhere else. And that's all I have to say about that.

On a completely unrelated note:

I once read on my old friend's facebook status, "There's not much you can be sure of in this world, but one thing's for sure: Forrest Gump would have done anything for Jenny."

And he would have.

I think Forrest Gump was actually a genius.

hatred. anger. violence. love.

School starts tomorrow. I'd be excited for class, but mine got cancelled due to the school protests. Apparently, people are outraged at budget cuts and whatnot so there's a UC-wide walkout. Oh well, one more day of summer for me I guess haha.

Anyways, the school year has now arrived. I'm preparing myself for battle. There is still so much to work on! Lately I've been praying that God would instill in me a hatred for sin - A genuine, undying, deep down to my flesh and bones, super strong, abhorrence for sin. I sincerely pray that God would give me an attitude of violence towards sin. So when I sense sin starting to rear it's ugly head, I picture me punching, kicking, stabbing, stomping, or doing whatever to beat it back down. One time I imagined using a shovel to beat sin down.

You might think this is weird or unorthodox, and I suppose you're right. But a general doesn't win a war against an enemy by using the same old tactics over and over again, especially if they're unsuccessful. The greatest generals win wars using cunning, intellect, and devising new and extraordinary tactics that normal people don't think of.

Whatever works, right?

If you think about it, it's pretty atrocious that I, a humble and foolish sinner, would even dare to dream of offending a holy God like ours.

Don't worry, my violence and hatred is only being manifested against sin, so you guys are safe. haha :)

?

My head is so jumbled. There are so many things on my mind.

School is swiftly approaching. I feel unprepared. Not academically so much, but mentally and spiritually. This year will be interesting, for sure. I wonder what God has in store for me?

Change my heart, O God

Make it ever true

Change my heart, O God

May I be like You

You are the Potter

I am the clay

Mold me and make me

This is what I pray

God wanted to have a conversation.

So as I was driving up from San Diego to Pomona, I think God wanted to talk. My mind was set on other things, and as I put my ipod on shuffle, ready to listen to some music as I drove, I started to just relax and let my mind wander. But God had other plans. For some reason, I felt Him nudging me.

"Let's have a chat, shall we? You and me."

Alright, God. You're the boss. I started to pray.(I used to do this thing when I prayed on the road where I'd actually close my eyes, periodically opening them just to check the road. I was told multiple times that this was foolish and dangerous, so since then when I pray while driving I just keep my eyes open haha) As I prayed, God reminded me of how truly amazing and great He is; how beautiful, how glorious, how strong, how perfect. He reminded me that I need to trust in Him.

"God, why don't I have peace? Why is my heart still so far from your rest?"

Almost instantaneously, "You have not because you ask not."

So I asked. I begged. I implored. I brought everything on my heart to Him. And I was heard. And I was disciplined. And I was rebuked.

I was reminded - God was, is, and will be perfect. WE messed up. I messed up. So I prayed.

::Forgive me, Lord. Save me from myself.

Oh, wretched eyes that transform beauty to wickedness.

Sinful and lazy hands that smear dirt on pristine walls.

Unworthy feet that trample on pure, perfect, rose blossoms

Transform me, God, to remember,

that I am not my own, but I belong to YOU::

FML. No, not F my life. Forgive me, Lord. ( Clever, no? I got it from some random guy's facebook :D )

But God is good. Because I was heard before I even uttered a syllable - and forgiven before I was even conceived.

I love my life.

I just finished my last midterm for summer session 1. Next is finals -_-

At this moment, I have a healthy and blessed family, amazing and wonderful friends, a nice roof over my head, and delicious food on my table. I am so thankful for everything God has bestowed upon me.

Nobody's life is always peachy. We all have our own garbage to deal with and we all have our days, some worse than others. But during the times when I'm not blinded by my sin/spoiled nature, during the times when I feel rich in all the ways that matter, who else can I give credit to? Not to myself, that's for sure.

Thank you Lord not only for blessing me, which you always do. But thank you for opening my eyes to be able to truly APPRECIATE those blessings.

²² The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;

his mercies never come to an end;

^{23 they are new every morning;}

great is your faithfulness.

Lamentations 3:22-23

disclaimer: (can it be called a disclaimer if it's after the entry? whatever, it's my blog, ah do wuh ah waunt!)

I'm pretty mentally drained from running on 5 hour energy shots for a couple nights. So I apologize for this entry's possible incoherence. Basically, I am thankful for my life. And praise be to God.

feelings of discontent

I wrote something here, but I decided that I'd rather keep it to myself. Haha, sorry. So this entry that was originally supposed to be a little longer will not be as long.

I feel overwhelmed with everything. Anything and everything, you name it. Much is expected of me, and I feel so unprepared. Unqualified. Unworthy. But all I need is You. That's it.

Today I had a midterm. It's weird being back in school. Anyways, I felt compelled to write a little about my faith. But I think my professor is kind of anti-religion. Hopefully my grade doesn't suffer :(

I need more time. No, I have enough time. I need more discipline to manage my time. Where I'm at right now does not make me happy. Not one bit. Time to pick up the slack!

Lifehouse - Storm

random

It's 4:49 am. I should definitely not be awake, since I have graduations to attend in the morning. But I just came back from shooting around with Eric Park. And I felt like writing. Some things on my mind:

* Seniors are graduating(ed). You are appreciated!
* Some of the juniors are graduating(ed). I'm proud of you guys. Seems like not too long ago when we were still awkward with each other a couple of years ago.
* I love SD weather.
* For some reason every time I drive down to SD I think about my dad alot. I miss him.
* It's not a good feeling when you're up so late that the sky starts to brighten as the sun rises. Not like in a 'I am going to watch the sunrise' way, but more like in a 'hey, it's another reminder of a sleepless night' kind of way. Usually happens when you pull an all nighter studying I guess. But I love those birds that are awake with you. They chirp away at starting like about 3-4am. It almost makes it worth it, staying up that late just to hear those birds. Freaking birds.
* I wish my body wouldn't fall apart. What happened to those days when you could run around all day without worrying about stretching, cramping, or injuring anything? Kids seem so indestructible.
* Peter is sleeping next to me ever so peacefully. He was snoring but he stopped.
* I was reminded today about how I am such a fool.
* Only Jesus knows. Only He can understand.
* Summer session is starting soon.
* Lakers. Kobe Bryant will NOT be denied his 4th ring. Bye, Dwight Howard!

Sorry for the randomness. I need an extra blog for these random pointless entries for myself haha.

7If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.
John 15:7